The Indecisive

by Just Another Woman

“I Don’t Know What I Want Anymore”

I think the biggest problem women have with men is that men are very indecisive. Society creates a world for women that we women must step up and play a dominant take charge type of role to establish our place in a man driven world. But is this how we women want to be in our relationships all the time as well? NO!

Just because women play a take charge role in the work field does not mean we want the same type of work role in our relationships. So what type of men are we looking for in our relationships then? Do we look for the aggressive? The rugged handyman? The controller? How about the mixture of all of these options. I know your thinking right about now that this is impossible to find in one guy, but actually it’s not if you can identify where each of these masculine traits take place in his actions.

Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why men are indecisive and why women don’t like indecisive men though…

1. Can’t make a solid decision
2. Leaves women feeling unsure in a relationship
3. Don’t know the level of importance
4. Worried about how things will look to other people
5. Not grounded in their thought process

These five simple but most common reasons are the exact reasons women tend to become uneased in relationships and become extremely frustrated with men. I am pretty sure if the women reading this think about your past or even current relationship you will quickly identify when these situations occurred in your relationships.

So why do men tend to be more indecisive than women when it comes to relationships? To some women we identify a man’s indecisiveness with the mother figure or the over dominant women. To other women we identify an indecisive man because of lack in interest. Is one worse than the other though? Not really. Each type of indecisive man is equally damaging to a relationship. Without the man creating a solid decision, women can quickly start to feel as if the work of the relationship if left to them and that the man is not willing to further make the relationship work. When this occurs in a relationship the remainder is arguments, fights over who or who doesn’t care anymore, and one out of the two can quickly think there is another person the other is interested in.

There are multiple variables in which can cause indecisiveness though however, and not just men but women also. So let’s look at some of these variables…

1. Money
2. Distance
3. Peer Pressure
4. Appearances
5. Friend Factor

Money can be the root to all bad relationships. Men often feel that a man should play the dom in a relationship and therefore, who makes the most in a relationship can often lead to a feeling of one partner not as significant as the other. Men have been playing the dom since the stone ages and not all men are willing to be in a relationship where the woman has a greater financial backing than the man. He can quickly feel insignificant and inadequate as a man and therefore, indecisive about his role as the man in the relationship.  

Distance is not something for the weak at heart and should not be something taken lightly in trying a long distance relationship. If both partners are not willing to give 100% of each other, then the relationship will quickly fail and become a bitter mistake. This is where the indecisiveness kicks in also. You might have thought this was what you wanted, but now you’re not so sure and don’t know how to end it because your indecisive on the best way to approach the other person. Let’s be honest though real quick about something…DO NOT TOY AROUND! While you’re trying to think of the best way to say something, the other person is trying to figure out what they can do to fix things.

Peer pressure is not the most common variable but can play a part in a man’s indecisive behavior. We all know ladies that men have their guy friends and what a man does around their guy friends is important. So men think about this before you let that peer pressure get to you. How far are you willing to let your buddies dictate how you act in your relationship? Clearly your buddies are not the one sleeping with your significant other (at least we hope not) so frankly there should be a separation as to how your buddies influence your relationship.

Appearance is often the biggest factor in indecisive men. How a man looks, feels, and is portrayed in society will always be important. Now appearance though is not just a physical side but also a mental situation as well. While men do worry about how they look around others, the mental appearance is a nonstop game in a man’s head. Men worry how others feel about the person they are in a relationship with. The most common thing is if their friends will like her or if they are going be accepting of her because of how she looks or acts. The appearance is connected to the peer pressure because if the man is too worried about how the buddies feel, then the man will quickly become indecisive on should he or should he not be in a relationship with her.

Friend factor is where I am going to say is a 50/50% of doomed relationships. We all know it’s great to have those people in our live that we can say or do just about anything in front of them. However, how comfortable is too comfortable? When we start as friends in our relationships we build the foundation for trust. This is a great thing so let’s not identify this as part of the bad part in friend factors. However, the time we spend being friends we quickly let ourselves develop a level of comfort that we no longer think about as important or what feelings are more valuable to the other. We simply just become best buds and stop caring that one is in fact romantically interested in the other. If the friend factor does become more intense and the romantic side dwindles more and more, then yes ladies you’re now considered as just one of the guys so either take it or leave it cause he’s not going to budge once you get here. 

Ladies yes men are a wonderful asset to our lives and yes no matter how much we think we don’t need them we really do in one way or the other. However, an indecisive man is in fact and always will be a disaster waiting to happen. You might think you can hold off and he might change…and yeah he might actually do that in some point in his life….but that doesn’t mean he’s going to make that change in the relationship with you.